After The Breakup Can You Still Be Friends?

Add captionAfter The Breakup Can You Still Be Friends?

I know, the old line, "We can still be friends", but is it really possible? Based on personal experience, I think that it is. Here is what I have found successful in keeping those ex's as friends.

First, let me start by saying that not every ex is worth keeping. If your relationship was abusive or caused too much grief, shut the door and keep it closed. Only you can make this choice.

The period immediately following a break up is bound to be an emotional one. It is completely normal and expected to experience grief, numbness, anxiety, resentment and even anger. (And of course! It's probably going to be a loss for one or even both of you!) During this period of time, I would recommend a cooling off period. This way, no one will say things that they will later regret and hurt the possibility of a future friendship.

When things are not quite so painful, to one or both of you, you can start establishing the new friendship. Start out simple. Call him or her up and ask how that big project went at work or some other neutral question about the other person's life. Be genuine and interested. Have an easy conversation and close by saying that you enjoyed talking again, and hope that you can do it again soon. As time goes by, you can continue to work on this part to a point where you might ask him or her to join you and a group of friends for a night out or to a party with mutual friends. Make sure that it cannot be contstrued as a date, unless of course you have ulterior motives. Above all, you need to make sure that you are a safe person to communicate to. You can't call him or her up saying "Hi, how are things going? Blah, blah, blah... Why did you break up with me?" Avoid getting into confrontational conversations and steer clear of blame and accusations. I know this is probably easier said than done, but if your intention really is to have a valuable friendship, this is a must.

Let me tell you a little about my ex's…One of them was a groomsmen in my wedding and I will be helping him with his own wedding soon. I work with the other and his wife and are in the process of joint venturing on a project with them. Primarily, I am happy that I have two more people that I can rely on when and if I needed help. Obviously there was something there that created a romantic relationship and while it didn't work out in that way, I still liked those same qualities in them. Secondly, who knows what kind of opportunities would have been missed had I trashed these relationships?

I really believe that we can always use another friend. Don't expect it to happen over night. It is also helpful to remember that friendship, as with love, is a two way street. If the other person is not willing to try a friendship, they either haven't had enough time, or it isn't going to happen at all. Make the world a better place, at least try and be happy even if it doesn't work out. At least you'll know that you made a good effort.